Birthday Surprise by Post

I got my first birthday present of the year. I checked my mail and there addressed to me was a little 2x4x4 box. It was from Marlboro.

A couple years ago I somehow ended up on this mailing list for Marlboro. I have no idea how, but they send me stuff from time to time and the only reason I'm still on the list is because it amuses me to see what they will waste money on next. I once got this really cheap pocket tool knife thing. It broke the first time I went to use it. Their theme with that package was wild west and getting things done. I sure hope they had better tools then what they sent me. Oh and I can't forget the fantastic coasters they sent me once. This ridiculously over sized package shows up in the mail and I open it to find four cardboard coasters (like what you would use at a restaurant) sitting in there with a little note that said, "enjoy these coasters on us". Really?! They didn't even have anything on them. Just plain brown square pieces of pressed cardboard.

You would think they would send coupons or promotional stuff for their company, but aside from the box you wouldn't know it was from Marlboro. I guess I hold out on the off chance that they might send me something useful one day. So every year around my birthday they send me something corny.

So I bring my package in and I'm kind of excited. This could be the year that they send me something I can actually use or at the very least think is cool for five minutes. I take off the plastic wrap and pull the box out of its sleeve. On the top of the box it says something about trails and camp fires. I'm really not paying attention. I open the box and it says something about things being with you on your birthday... Still not paying attention. There nestled inside the protective flaps of the box is something metallic. Is it a belt buckle? Because at this point nothing would surprise me. I finally get it wrestled out of its little nest and after closer inspection determine it is a bottle opener. NOT the little handy dandy one you keep in the drawer on the off chance you may need a bottle opener when you are 80, but the kind like bars have SCREWED to the cabinet! Whoever does their marketing should be fired!

How many Americans do you know (never mind those that live in apartments like me) who would screw a piece of cheap metal to their $5,000 cabinets so that one day when that idiot friend comes over and realizes he didn't get screw off caps and asks where their bottle opener is they can proudly point to the one screwed to their cabinet like they are some big shot bar owner? This is what they wasted their money on?

Maybe it is just me. Maybe some of you were just saying to yourselves this morning how cool it would be to have a screw on bottle opener. Maybe it is something some of you have been dying for. Maybe I'm just a crazy ingrate who can't appreciate a good gift. BUT I highly doubt it.

So I ask you Ladies, Gentlemen, and Those in Between. What kinds of things have you received as a marketing ploy from a company and did you find it useful? Until then... BUBBLES!!!