Do We Ever Really?

I have been silent for a while and for the 3 of you who actually read this because there is nothing better to do I sincerely apologize. For the rest of you who never even noticed... congratulations on having a life. Regardless there has been a lot going on so let me try to catch you up to speed before we get to the main topic that inspires today's title.

It all started with a birthday curse. I have a history of bad birthdays, but that is a story (or series of stories) for another time. This year, however, the curse appears to have been broken. I had the best birthday ever. The wonderful man of my life surprised me with a party at Chuck-E-Cheese and I partied the night away watching a freaky mouse run around and playing oddly addictive games with fake gold coins. Made out like a bandit with an awesome stuffed dog wearing a rather fashionable Chuck-E-Cheese hoodie. I thought as many of you are now that a dog's ears would look ridiculous poking out from underneath a hoodie, but it actually works. I considered having my ears stretched so I could go for the same look, but after I realized I wouldn't be able to grow the fur it lost it's luster.

I was also surprised with an awesome bike. This has been one of the biggest reasons for my silence. Ever sunny day we have had since I've spent outside breaking it in. It has a cute little bell and everything. It is one of the cruiser style types that totally looks like me. It has been a blast.

Of course the rest of my time has been spent with storms and hail damage, but that is a depressing subject and our experience nothing compared to that of a whole lot of others. So I'll move on to present day and our actual topic.

I'm the kind of person that does best when I know what is going on, what my plan is, and that I have control over the situation. It is those situations that I am at my best. Regardless of how seemingly impossible the situation is as long as I understand what is going on and have a plan in place that I can control regardless of the outcome of said plan I'm at my best. Some would say that I work best under pressure. I suppose that is probably the best way to put it.

The situations where I have no idea what is going on or as a result how to deal with it... I freak out. I have no idea how to handle a situation that I don't understand. I have a deep unsettling fear of the unknown. When I have no control over what is going on I just don't know how to react and the anxiety soars.

I'm in a place right now where the unknown is seriously staring me in the face. As I'm contemplating it the question arises. Do we ever really have control? Even with a plan in place. Is anything really under control?

So if we consider that we really never have control the question become then, is it the illusion of control that actually gives me peace? If so is that okay, or should I remind myself that even when I think I have control I really don't? Would that then cause me to freak out when I would normally be good or would it cause me to be at peace when I would normally freak out. Or to get even deeper on you would it be possible to develop a balance between the two so I stay a little worried and a little at peace during both stages? If you followed any of this you are indeed special. Just not sure if it is short bus special or genius special.

The point of all this is... Shit happens. It happens daily and sometimes it is really uncool. The thing is it isn't about what life throws at you, (and it will never stop throwing you one shitty storm after another) but rather how you decide to approach it.

Well Ladies, Gentlemen, and Those in Between; I won't be so silent in the coming days so be ready. Until then... BUBBLES!!!